We’ve all been there. The house looks like the toy bin exploded in the bottom of a toaster. The laundry is way behind and the dirty dishes are stacked high. The kids are fighting, the baby is crying, you are exhausted and your temper is short. You feel like sitting down and giving up. Maybe you are crying in the bathroom right now. You might not even feel like you are even cut out for this whole mothering thing. You wonder why God even gave you all these children because you feel like you aren’t even doing a good job. In fact, you feel like you are failing as a mom. Listen up, Mama–it’s going to be ok and you are NOT failing. I’m here to give you and me encouragement for when you feel like you’re failing as a mom.

All moms have days, weeks, months, and seasons where they don’t feel like they are measuring up. I would say the more children you have perhaps the more often you feel this. And we seem to find all these measuring sticks and standards everywhere we go.

We truly can trust in the Lord and rest in His sovereignty when it comes to ANY area in motherhood where we feel unable, inadequate or unworthy.

Why We Feel like Failures as Moms:

💛Unrealistic Expectations:

Thanks to social media and a culture that idolizes perfection, it can be really hard not to think we need to do everything perfect. We pick the “best” thing from every category of motherhood and have lots of ideals that quickly become impossible to measure up to. It is not realistic that you can do everything perfectly, especially if you have several little ones under your feet undoing everything at an impossible speed.

💛Comparison:

Not only do we compare ourselves to “unreal” expectations online, but we often see other moms in our own lives and compare. We forget that we each have our own gifts and focus on an area where we are lacking, then compare ourselves to someone who is gifted in that area.

Please remember that we all have strengths and weaknesses and often when you see something really great in another mom it has been placed there by grace and gifting from the Lord. It’s better to stay in your own lane and pay attention to what God has gifted you with and make the best use of it, instead of comparing ourselves to others and feeling envious of what good gift the Lord has given someone else.

💛Chronic Exhaustion:

Being tired as a mom is just fact of life. The more you have likely the more tired you will be. If you are in a season of pregnancy, have a newborn, a baby that doesn’t sleep well or are up often with sick children you will be particularly tired. Autoimmune disease or other health issues of your own you will only compound the feelings of exhaustion.

Exhaustion is HUGE in affecting your emotional health and being unrested will quickly amplify everything making it seem bigger, harder and more overwhelming. The more kids you have the more needs there are and less breaks you are likely to be able to have. God gives us grace for every single child we have though and every one of them is a blessing. However, a mom with twice as many kids it’s possible she will be more tired and get less breaks. Being more tired and having less breaks can lead to feeling more overwhelmed and more discouraged and out of control, and feeling like a failure and inadequate for the tasks before you.

💛Spiritual Dryness:

Nothing will make us as moms feel more overwhelmed and unable to care for our family and home well then not being connected to the Lord. Perhaps in our busyness we start to cut short our time in the Word, prioritizing other things on our to-do lists. Sometimes prayer and meditation on God’s goodness and truths takes the backseat in our priorities. Other times it’s unrepentant sin that causes a spiritual dry spell. You can find some inspiration here on How to Find Quiet Time with the Lord in a Loud House.

💛Forgetting the Importance of Your Work:

Another really big cause for feeling inadequate as a mom is forgetting the importance of your work. To be honest, at surface level changing diapers all day, wiping runny noses, cleaning up spills constantly and telling your kids to pick up after themselves all day, everyday can start to feel like mundane and meaningless work. I believe Satan really goes to work on a weary mom, whispering lies to her that all her work is pointless and not worth her time. Yes, some of these mundane tasks do feel repetitive and boring, but they are just things that go along with the bigger work you are really doing. Discipling, shepherding and caring for eternal souls. Do not lose sight of the eternal significance of what you are doing!

TRUTH for When You Feeling Like a Failure as a Mom:

💛God Never Asked You to Be a Perfect Mom

God does not expect us to be perfect moms. He knows our frailty, our sinful tendencies and our weaknesses. He does not ask us to be perfect, but instead to trust in Him in our attempts to be faithful mothers. Faithful to follow Him, draw strength from Him, to teach our children about Him. The world expects perfect performance, but Jesus never does. Motherhood is a calling that God equips us for by His grace, mercy and love alone.

💛Your Weakness Doesn’t Disqualify You — It Invites God In

God’s word says when we are weak we are actually strong. Why is that? Because we come to the end of ourselves and trust and depend on God whole-heartedly. So when we have the “I can’t do this anymore” moments, this is not actually a bad thing. It is a signal that we need to go to Jesus and ask Him for Help. We can stop evaluating ourselves and our ability to “do this” and feel like a failure because we know we do not have the strength, energy or ability. We can surrender to the Lord again and again.

💛Use Your Inadequate Moments to Point Your Children to Christ

These moments where you know you blew it big time, maybe you yelled at the kids, blamed your husband or children for something you know deep down was your own fault, or chose laziness and selfishness instead of serving. These are the perfect opportunity to model what the Bible teaches. Repentance of sin, humility of heart, and asking for forgiveness.

None of us want to be a bad example, especially when we spend so much time teaching God’s truths, but there is no better way for our children to also learn that we are all sinful and in need of God’s grace than for us as mothers to come to them with a humble repentant heart and say “I’m sorry, would you please forgive me?”. “This is what God’s word says and I did not do what was right here.” It is OK and important that our kids see us apologize and repent.

💛Practical Ways to Combat Feeling Inadequate as a Mom 💛

💛Speak Truth to Yourself

Remember that in the middle of an emotional spiral and overwhelm that our feelings are not always based on truth. What does God’s word say about your situation? Your worth is not tied to what you have accomplished today or how well you’ve measured up to certain standards. God is with you, and you are not alone. Identify what lies you or the enemy is telling you and replace those lies with truths.

Lie: “I’m messing up everything.”
Truth: “God is strengthening me and teaching me.”

Lie: “Everyone else is doing better than me.”
Truth: “I’m equipped for my family, not theirs.”

Lie: “I can’t do this.”
Truth: “With God’s help, I can do what He gives me to do today.”

Writing down one core truth with a bible verse on a sticky note and meditating on it as you go about your day does so much good to putting things into perspective.

💛Reset Expectations

What expectations have you set for yourself? Are they realistic? If you are having a hard day, it’s ok to take some time and let go of even essentials for a day while you spend some more time dealing with your feelings of overwhelm.

If this is an ongoing struggle, perhaps evaluate if your DAILY expectations are too high for the season you are in. If you have a newborn, you simply can’t expect to do what you do in a different season where you are sleeping more and not healing from birth, for example.

Pick 1-2 priorities for the day. Let go of perfectionism.

💛Take Time to Be With the Lord

Spending time in God’s word, prayer, meditating on His Word and sitting in His presence is SO SO vital to your overall wellbeing as a mom. It’s ok if you can’t spend a lot of time, but the more often we turn our hearts towards the Lord, the better off we will be. We will feel more encouraged in general. If you need some creative ideas about spending time with the Lord or just some gentle reminders on the importance of time with the Lord, read How I Find Quiet Time for the Lord in a Loud House.

💛Ask for Help When You Need to

You can not do it all. Every one of us needs help. We need help from the Lord first and foremost, but we also need help from our own family, our spouse, our friends, our extended family and our church family. We may not have all of these sources of help in all seasons, but usually there is at least someone, even if it’s just our own kids, we can ask for help. It’s ok to receive help. Do not let your pride deprive someone else the blessing of helping you!

Also don’t forget that delegating tasks to other family members is not failing, it’s a blessing to be needed (even if they don’t appreciate it right away lol). Ask the Lord for help; He may provide assistance in unexpected ways. When you are feeling like a failure as a mom, it may be that you are just expecting more than is actually possible for one mama and need to ask for help.

💛Consider Your Strengths and Where You are Doing Well

Spend some time thinking about the things that you are doing well. Maybe you are making nutritious meals for your kids, spending time reading to them daily and providing them with clean clothes. List all the things that you are doing every day to provide for them– love, nurture and providing for their physical needs. We can not do everything perfectly, but you are doing a lot more than you are giving yourself credit for a lot of the times.

What CAN You Do When You’re Feeling Like a Failure as a Mom?

💛Take a few moments for yourself. Even a 5-minute bathroom break with a few words of prayer and a bible verse can help you to reorient yourself. (See the bottom of this post for my Overwhelmed Mom Reset Guide if you haven’t signed up for it yet. It’s a step by step guide to truly reset calm and peace in short mom breaks when you are feeling overwhelmed.)

💛Think of one thing you can let go of and simplify to take some of the pressure off for the next hour or next block of the day.

💛Reconnect to your children by looking them in eyes, giving them a hug and telling them how much you love them. Ask them for forgiveness if that is needed.

💛Remind yourself that you are a sinful human being, but there is no condemnation in Christ, and ask the Holy Spirit help you to do better next time. Praise God for his grace and mercy! He is faithful to complete the work He has begun in us.

💛💛Special Word of Encouragement for Moms of Large Families💛

The weight and responsibility of motherhood is going to feel heavier because it is. There are physically more bodies to care for and while some of that does not add to the load much, the work does tend to compound. However, with each child the eternal impact of your faithfulness has the potential to increase, so be encouraged!

It takes more time and effort to care for each additional child you have, and so it absolutely can feel overwhelming and lead to feeling like you are failing. BUT this is only if we forget these truths and take our eyes off Jesus and try to do it in our own strength. If you are a mom that has been called to have many children don’t forget that God is with you and is equipping you and giving you grace for it all. You are not failing!! You are investing in the kingdom in big ways, planting seeds into many hearts!

💛God Sees You

Every single unseen sacrifice, God sees it! You are not alone, the Lord is right there with you as you care for your children. He looks on you with compassion and wants to help you. Every mom who cares about their children is trying the best she can. You are doing so much better than you think you are. And where you fall short, you can trust that the Lord is sovereign, in control and adequate. You can’t do it all, you can’t be perfect, but you can lean on the Lord for his strength and trust in Him and His adequacy. That is enough for today.

I hope that you were encouraged today 💛

If you feel like you need more encouragement and direction check out my Overwhelmed Guide for Moms (A practical 5 step guide to reset to find calm and Christ centered peace in faithful motherhood).

💛Mandy